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Sabbatical June

This is the first time in my life I voluntarily took a break in my career of course apart from the pregnancy timeout.. I remember even then I was raring to go back to office. I was so confused about my identity back then. As a new mom I was torn apart between the thoughts of being with my kid and the career which I so passionately built. I cried for days (not knowing it was postpartum depression), what saved me then was ample amount of reading. I read a lot of books and I stumbled upon LEAN In. Right book at the right time. I realized that I can have it all only if I understand my priorities right. I started deprioritizing things that can be delegated if I can spare some money. I don't need to do all the physical and mental work. I delegated the routine mundane tasks that drain out my energy making me frustrated and less focus on my kid and work. I felt at peace. I had plenty of time and energy at hand. I used to be a super clean freak before. Every day I used to clean up the house...

You cant hear me cry

 There is a way many would put it. Oh, you should have said something. Why did you bear it all the while. Why didn't you speak your mind?   Well, I wish I could speak but my mind was fazed out. I didn't know that someone I love so much could hurt me. In the hindsight, I have a hell lot to say but it would have just fallen deaf on his ears. Life is not as pleasant as you want it to be.  It's not as if he is bad you know..  but he isn't good either, Not half as bad doesn't make the person good.  But Neha, I think it is unfair to call someone bad just with few incidents.  Exactly my point Vaishu,  why do you need so many incidents to decide whether the person is bad or not. The moment that person treats you unfairly, he is bad. It's pretty simple. Marriage doesn't work that way. then that is a very stupid concept I would say. 

What am I doing

 I have been searching for something, I have been working on something but there is no method to it. I am not sure of what I am looking for and what brings me peace. I feel as if I am looking for a problem to solve. I want something, I feel I deserve better but I am at a loss for words. I feel as if I am tired and hopeless. I have been struggling to comprehend my need, want, and desire. I want to be capable enough to achieve anything in the world. I have a feeling, I don't get my worth. What do I do? How do I evolve?  What is the right path for me?  I have been procrastinating enough. This is it. This is the year I make or break. I don't want to be a mediocre. I want to fly and win.